naked zombies.....dancing

Zombies. Strippers. Peanut butter. Chocolate.

I went to see Zombie Strippers this last weekend, a very adequate B-Movie that somehow has made it into theaters and stars Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson. This isn't an easy movie to review. You either hear that title and go "Hmmmm, I need to see that!" or you are not interested in it in the least and will never be. So, it's pointless to try and sway the latter. What I will say, is if you are a fan of early 90's straight-to-video horror, there will be something for you to enjoy in this movie.

The film opens with a humorous montage of fake news footage about Bush starting his 4th consecutive term and dissolving congress because they "cramped his style"...but from then on the political humor gets dumb fast and is no longer clever, but pretty juvenile. But then again, this is Zombie Fucking Strippers...so who gives a fuck?! Anyway, the gov't is working on reanimating dead tissue to create a super soldier...yawn. It goes wrong and some marines have to come in and clean up the mess. One of the soldiers gets bit and escapes the mayhem, fleeing for his own life and somehow stumbles into an underground illegal strip joint. FINALLY.

We are then introduced to Jenna Jameson's character who apparently is a stripper/philosopher who delivers her lines exactly as you would expect a porn star to deliver them. Horribly. At this point the film plays out like a modern burlesque film not unlike Orgy of the Dead. However, this is when Robert Englund's character enters the fray. I'm not a HUGE Englund fan. I like Freddy, I dug the Mangler but I don't think he's a particularly stellar actor. Having said that, this is by far one of the BEST performances I've ever seen him in. He is great and manages to make the shitty script sound like it was written that way on purpose. Without him, this film would've failed badly. There are some horrid lines and some even more horrid jokes that would make even the most diehard of genre fans contemplate walking out of the theater if it weren't for his delivery. It somehow manages to work.

The plot mainly revolves around the fact that these chicks are more entertaining as undead strippers and the club begins to pull in dumbass droves of guys wanting to see them. They are then taken in the back for a striptease followed by a horrible death. [Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, go hunt it down] These range from the predictable to pretty decent. The gore was mixed with some of that shitty CG gore that has no place in modern society and some of the real rubber and corn syrup shit that I paid $10 to see. If you haven't already read this somewhere else, Jenna Jameson shoots pool balls from her used up junk. Worth the price of admission alone.

Would I recommend Zombie Strippers? Yes, with a tongue firmly placed against my cheek, and only if you can sit through a Troma film in its entirety. If not? Don't bother, you'll probably hate it. Only other reason you should see it is if this is all some elaborate test by Sony to see if people want to see this kind of shit in theaters. Ummmmm, YES.