Hilarious viral video of a fake movie trailer.

So, that fat guy from King Of Queens did this hilarious "Home Alone" style fake movie trailer where he is playing a "Mall Cop" when a group of EXTREME young criminals take over the mall and, get this, HE'S the only one in the mall to take them down. I'll stop talking, just check this out:



I'm assuming this is for Funny or Die or something...since...wait...WHAT?! This is...this is real? This is actually a movie coming out? They MADE this?

Twilight: A Punisher Warzone Review

I saw the trailers for Punisher Warzone and thought, "maybe". Ray Stevenson definitely looked the part. It's rated 'R'? I'm listening. The shitty music on the red band trailer made me wish I hadn't listened though. Okay, I've decided, I want to see it. The Dolph Lundgren version had it's own campy appeal that I kinda' liked. The one with Travolta was unwatchable, absolutely horrible. Warzone has to better than both of these, right?



Well, I am very happy to report that this movie actually get's it right. Well, at least 90% right. But, come on, what'd you expect? The film opens strong with some wise guys going to a mob boss's party to get paid for a job. Enter Frank Castle. Just in the first 5 minutes alone we get 20-30 bodies and a decapitation and some dude getting the leg of a chair shoved through his eye-hole. FINALLY! There are some very minimal flashbacks for the mentally retarded who just happened to wander aimlessly into this theater and have no idea who this guy is and why he is pissed? The script, while also minimal, is full of cliche and it really feels like they are aware of this and move right past it to get to the next action set piece.

I haven't read a shit-ton of Punisher comics, but I read quite a few back in my day, including the Nomad crossover. [Good stuff] What always made me drool over those comics was the loving attention given to Frank's arsenal. Shit, they even make comics devoted ENTIRELY to this. Just page after page of guns and rocket launchers and knives! It's a young boy's porn. Punisher Warzone seems to understand this and there are so many brillianty framed shots of wall after wall of guns and more guns followed with more shot's of Frank loading these guns. It's great! Couple that with the fact we ACTUALLY get to see him use this shit and not just some quick flashes of gunfire and cutaways and epileptic seizures so common in film today. If he's going to shoot someone in the face with a shotgun, we actually get to see it! A concept I thought died with the 80's. I am only partly familiar with the film's nemesis "Jigsaw". I couldn't help seeing all the similarities to the Joker, but who cares? They pulled off an over-the-top comic villain with dashes of humor pretty well. The story is really simple. Frank is obsessed with setting things right after accidentally shooting an undercover agent while cleaning up some mob trash. He stalks the widow, tries to give her money and eventually is forced to protect her just as he's about to give up on the vigilante business. His new nemesis, hellbent on the Punisher's demise recruits every thug in town to make this happen. This means a body count through the roof when all is said and done. Punisher is mean and competent and doesn't flinch at pain. Imagine if Bear Gryll's family was murdered and you have a pretty good idea of Frank's killing expertise.

P:W was obviously, not without it's flaws. There are a few scenes with some really awful nu-metal music playing...so you know just how XTREME these guy's are. But those moments are thankfully, few and far between. In the end, this film does what I wanted it to: It's a fun comic romp that captures the attitude and look of Frank Castle perfectly and quickly sets up an arena for him to kill as many criminals for me, the viewer, as possible in 107 minutes.

Oh, I almost forgot. Why the title referring to Twilight? Well, as soon as my ticket was torn and I am heading to my seat, I glance down and they had actually sold me a Twilight ticket! So, not only is P:W not doing well at the box office, but now, because of some teenager not paying attention, I am somehow partly responsible! Great. Thanks Twilight, not only are you ruining Vampires but you cost me a sequel to a good movie. [yes, my ONE ticket was the key to this film's sequel]

Random Bullshit Log Dos!

I like video games, who doesn't? Oh yeah...that guy.
But who cares, he actually got barred. Plus, I'm not talking about new games. I happen to be stuck wonderfully in the past for the most part. I play mainly 16-bit era stuff. My SNES and Sega CD are permanently hooked up to the TV [tube television, yes]. I am also a rather insane arcade junkie [read: Cave whore] who buys all the latest Cave games shortly after they come out, which also happens to be the reason if I were to have a child he would definitely not have a college fund. "Here you go Tiberius, there's your first semester." as I point to my Deathsmiles PCB.

Anyway, back on track. The reason I bring this up is to talk about the new next-gen consoles and what's going on with them. I have only a Wii, which doesn't count. I'm speaking primarily of the Xbox 360 and the PS3. Early on, before they came out I said, "I'll get one for Silent Hill 5." Well, SH5 came out and was developed by a western studio and is apparently pretty mediocre. I won't be dropping $450+ on "mediocre", sorry. Well, over the last year or so I had been reading grumblings about a Ghostbusters game. It's had it's fair share of difficulties actually getting made, not the least of which was finding a publisher. It was rumored cancelled for some time, but then got picked back up by Atari. The latest trailer just dropped a day or two ago:



Mind you, Harold Ramis and Dan Akroyd wrote the script for this game and are treating it as a direct sequel to the second [winces] film. Everyone but Rick Moranis has returned to do voiceovers. He [Moranis] apparently has no need for more money and no desire to deal with Hollywood ever again. Good for him, but he'll be missed in this game. I have no idea what the story is and I won't dig around to find out. What I will say, is this game might very well make me take the plunge on a new console. It looks HIGHLY entertaining.

Speaking of games, meet my children: Windy1 and Windy2. My arcade cabinets from Japan and made by Konami. If I am fortunate enough to have some free time these days, I spend it on arcade games for the most part. Most arcade games from the late 1980's on all came on a circuit board and were made using the same standard, up until even today. So, these cabinets allow for those games to be swapped out as I choose. So, rather than play some Gears of War Halo shit [no offense to Halo, it's an amazing series. I'm just over the whole FPS craze] I can fire up some Espgaluda 2 or Guilty Gear XX Slash. Just typing it gets me all excited and wanting to call in sick. If there is anything better than throwing a 100yen coin down and drinking a Trappist while playing some Batsugun Special in your own home, I don't want to know what it is. You will also notice a pink pachinko machine over there in the corner. That was a gift for my wife who likes shiny pink things from Japan. It's also incredibly noisy, but pachinko is fun albeit mindless fun. As far as what I've been playing lately for arcades, it's been all Deathsmiles and Galuda 2. Deathsmiles is a recent Cave shooter released for Japan that has a gothic lolita theme.



It's extremely fun and looks absolutely incredible. Yes, it is easier than earlier Cave titles, but trying to get your scores up is the name of the game and where the real challenge is.

My most recent PCB was snagged from Yahoo Japan Auctions via a deputy service. Dragon Saber is the sequel to 1988's Dragon Spirit and kicks serious ass. While it may look dated, the gameplay holds up to this day. I personally, cannot get enough of the music from this one. It also happens to be hard as fucking nails!



I keep up with handheld games, as they also have been an obsession of mine since an early age. There are a couple of titles worth mentioning. I just started playing Luminous Arc 2 on the Nintendo DS. A very "anime" strategy RPG. Put about 3-4 hours in so far and it's a blast. It has a bit more reading than I care for, but it's all pretty humorous so I'll give it a pass. Plus, the battles are very fun.



File this under "must have". Chrono Trigger just got released for the NDS as well. I completely fall in line and jump on the bandwagon that this was arguably the best RPG ever released for the SNES. It's been perfectly ported to NDS and I will be playing it as soon as I get done with all the other crap I've already mentioned. [head explodes]



So, I think I'll stop there. I started this as a post to say, "That new Ghostbusters game looks cool!" and it kinda' turned into a random blob of words about arcade games and old consoles. Yeah...sorry about that.