Lars and the Unreal Movie

Oh, Jesus in heaven. You saw fit to give one of the women I kissed in the last few weeks the Epstein-Barr Virus which causes Mononucleosis.

Your divine wisdom ensured that the virus was passed onto me, teaching me (at 26 years old) that promiscuous kissing is bad. Yet, in your mercy, you allowed my doctor to give me a prescription for a heavy codeine tablet.
However, you allowed the film 'Lars and the Real Girl' to be made and you compelled me (in a codeine haze) to watch it. At times I question your judgment, oh Lord.This movie is fucking ridiculous. Ok, heres the deal. Ryan Gosling (Lars) was emotionally traumatized years ago when his brother (Paul Schneider, the dude from the Ass of Jesse James and All the Real Girls who somehow only has photos of him in loaf pinching position) left home. Seems Lars' Dad was a mean old man and hated Lars cause he killed his mother during childbirth. Well, that was pretty fucked up Lars, your Dad was right to be mad. So Lars is emotionally fragile now and because of this he can't interact with people like a normal dude. Everybody likes him cause he never says shit. If they knew the sick shit he thought about they'd probably hate him. I hate him just looking at his stupid face and watching him bite his words down. Jens Lekman says, 'people think that shy people are extremely clever, but most shy people I know are extremely boring, either that or they are miserable from all the shit they're storing.' Lars is like this and I want to slap him most of the movie.Its set in some nameless northern town, that is actually filmed in Canada cause its cheaper and it may even be Canada in the movie. We never know. Lets just call it Northtown, North America. It looks and feels like the town from Beautiful Girls, but there is no lolitish Natalie Portman, and the pathos here isn't as fun, its just annoying.
So Lars sucks and can't relate to anyone and he decides to buy a doll woman to love. Everybody loves Raymond so much they decide to play along and not shatter Lars' delusion and break his fragile little mind (said in a Cartman voice..yeah in know thats cliche but im still on codeine and this movie doesnt deserve a novel review, asshole). So people start incorporating "Bianca" into their routines, she joins the PTA volunteers at the hospital, goes to church, I think she wins a Lions Club Award for civic leadership and she and lars proceed to have a fight about how much time she spends with other people.
Seriously. C'mon here guys. This movie and these people aren't charming enough to pull this off. I like the initial reaction of Lars' brother. He's like 'fuck this. Lars is fucking crazy...lets put him away...man fuck this.' But then he, like all the others, get on the Bianca train and nurse Lars' brain back to health. I'd rather Watch Herman's head. Or shit if we're watching doll movies, give me Child's Play 4 featuring Redman. I don't believe this movie for a second. It's like Mannequin 2: On the Move, but the mannequin stays dead and its not cute....cause mannequin 2 was pretty cute.
I just didn't believe it.
In the end Lars realizes he doesn't need the doll anymore so he gives it a fatal disease and everyone plays along, going so far as to carry it in an ambulance and send flowers and have a mock funeral for it. And then hes miraculously healed an as soon as the plastic corpse is buried is already dating the nerdy girl that has wanted him the whole movie. The end. Is there any more codeine? No. And no more suspension of my disbelief for the likes of this tripe.
pshaw.