Something is happening.

There, I just saved you $20 and an an hour and half of your precious life. Thank me later. You no longer have to go see M. Night's "The Happening". [Sidenote: God bless Trey Parker and Matt Stone]

Just saw this one today. While there were some genuinely good, somewhat frightening moments, the movie is a turd. I heard all the buzz about poor reviews for this one which honestly made me want to see it more. If I remember correctly, Lady in the Water and The Village got good reviews and those made me pee blood after the punch in the gut I got from their shittiness.

So, you've seen the trailer, "There seems to be an event happening...". Yes, an hour of [poor] suspense going by and you are sitting there wondering, "seriously where the hell are they gonna' go with this?! Is it going to be the bees leaving that kills us off? Is it going to be some crazy new plant? What the FUCK tell me!!!! You mean it's our FUCKING carbon footprint that's killing us? The fucking plants are revolting against us?" I swear to Jobu I will stab M. Night in his face the next time I see him. This is no spoiler, trust me. It's the one path you expect while watching this but keep thinking they won't go there because it's too obvious and preachy. Well, they do.

Now to rap up this compliment shit-sandwich, let me tell you what this film does well: Mark Wahlberg is a trip. I love the delivery of some of his material he was handed. There are some really humorous moments with him that made me laugh out loud. Zooe bugs me...ever since I saw All the Real Girls. Stop staring at me...you got the BUG EYES...hey Zooe, sorry about the bug-eyes thing. I'll be in my office.

I know this film is going for that Hitchcock flavor, but it all feels so forced. There is some crazy scene of someone killing themselves every 15 minutes or so to make you "paranoid" and it's just like, "I get it!!!". I was more uneasy during History of Violence when NOTHING was happening. THAT'S how you do it. Cronenberg wins.

I'm done. Where's my beer?